Dogless (21)

I close the gate
behind me
and head out
through the wall of heat
111 degrees at eight o’clock at night.
It is hard to move
hard to keep going
hard to breathe
impossible to think
of anything else.
There is only the
oven air
and the unnatural chore
of making my way through it.

I pass the regular group of dog walkers
at the second corner
and then I realize
it has changed
like swimming laps
in a winter pool
makes the water
seem less cold
against your skin.
My animal pelt
takes over
and I steal through
the hot air.
I am no longer consumed
no longer suffocated.

I keep going
quick now
in the hot dark
and when I pass the dog walkers again
a man exclaims
“That was fast.”
I laugh
and do not tell them
I am an animal.
“Only because I am dogless”
I say
and they nod
smile
agree
and as the words leave me
Sanji enters in
her blonde face turned up to mine
dark brown eyes lined with coal
her cold nose
wet against my cheek.

My heart leaps
in love
squeezes in grief
that belies the twenty-six years
I have lived without her
dogless.